work in progress

I want to write something

fast paced and deep

like the way we fuck sometimes

 

but people expect

delicate poetry

that leaves a warming sensation

to the heart

but fuck it

that’s not always art.

 

I’m bored of labels

and boxes

and boxes that need to be labelled

because we can’t accept change

or people that don’t fit

into the tightly packed Ikea boxes

with clear instructions and screws that

society places them with.

 

No i am not going

to be

what you want me to be

and no that

man over there is not going to be

who you want him to be

oh and that person your fucking

stop putting all your expectations

on them

cause they’re not going to be who you

want them to be either

and

that

is

okay.

 

Stop turning people

into painted stereotypes

and telling them they’re a work

of art

they’re a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy

and well

you get it.

 

Stop telling little black girls

they can’t be Disney princesses

and stop telling little asian boys

they can only do maths and get into businesses

and stop telling muslim women what they have to wear

at the beach

and stop telling the man on street that he’s not

allowed to preach

cause the truth is you’re just too

scared to be yourself

so you’re

taking it out

on everybody else

and that

has to change

if we ever

want to change.

 

Stop telling me

the world has gone to shit

whilst you’re shoving fast food

into your greasy face

and budging up the bench

cause you too scared to sit next to someone

who isn’t from your own race

and stop fucking looking at me

like i should give you a nod of approval

like i too, am scared of another

fucking human.

 

I’m a coward sometimes too

i get it

it’s scary to throw out

the instruction manual

and go at it alone

it’s scary to look at the corrupt king

and take away his throne

but it’s scarier to sit

and just fucking moan

without taking any action

and mumbling that its the next generations problem.

 

 

 

 

In case

There are so many things

I want to say to you,

but I stop myself

in case it all sounds

too much.

 

The way

we approach love

is like

different sides

of the

same coin.

 

We both

create darkness

and we both

create light

and together

we create a paradox

that works

just right.

 

And yet…

 

I’m still scared

my love is too much

for you,

like the love

I feel

will smother us both

like a thick, winter blanket

because I can’t

control

the way my heart beats

when I think of you.

 

I can tell you now,

with all honesty,

that walking away

from you

in the hollow shell

of that international airport,

was like pulling

myself out of quick sand.

Or cement.

Or thick, gloopy oil.

 

I wasn’t sure I would make it out at all.

 

And I can tell you now,

that each day

without you

gets harder by the minutes that tick

in our different time zones,

and I long

for the comfort

that comes

simply by standing at your side.

 

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

 

Fuck off.

 

Absence makes the heart weep.

Absence makes the heart call for its other.

Absence makes the heart beat twice as hard.

Absence makes the heart fucking bleed.

 

And yet…

 

I love you more than I ever have

 

And yet…

 

I’m still scared to show you how much

in case

oh in case.

Something Beautiful.

Of all the reasons I love you,

here is one;

 

The way you look

when I read you something beautiful.

 

For I have read

many words,

from many pages,

to many rooms,

to many ages

and none of them

perceive truth

the way you do.

 

So as words tumble

from the heart in my ribcage

the light reflects

like a caught soul in your eyes,

capturing

that you alone

hear the words

in a way that no one else hears them,

and you see

exactly why I believe them to be so beautiful,

which in turn,

makes them beautiful to you.

 

Even the rain falls differently,

since I told you

it was my favourite sound.

 

So it is now

that I realise,

people

listen to millions of words

but they don’t hear,

the problem being

they only listen with their ears.

 

Because we all have words,

but only few have real voices,

ones that are heard

and can make real choices,

and though you have been judged

by a society with no real heart,

it is you

that sees the beauty

in my words

and in my art.

 

So to the man who hears more

than is ever being said,

I will never stop loving you

and the world inside your head.

 

CTRL-ALT-DELETE

Let’s talk about this
‘Instant lust’

The great movement of

The millennium 

Where we throw people away

And pick up new ones

Quicker than we can 

Update iPhones.

I used to call it 

‘instant love’

But it ain’t that 

Cause we’ve forgotten 

What love is

As we communicate

Our emotions 

Through symbols and memes

But can’t 

Hold hands incase

Somebody sees.

We click and swipe 

For Mr. Right

But he’s clicking and swiping

for all the 

“Single hot females in your area”

(or so you think)

So you instantly fuck around

Because you assume 

They’ll do the same to you.

That’s the love story of

2016

That’s the love story 

With no meaning.

We don’t believe in 

Trust anymore 

Because we see pulsing 

Love hearts 

Under another’s name 

And think that means

A pulsing orgasm 

Behind our backs

And we jump to conclusions 

Faster 

Than we can update software 

So we just 

CTRL-ALT-DELETE

And pretend they

Never meant anything

And just 

Pick up someone else

Instantly

Because we can.

We can throw people 

Away

Instead of asking them

To stay

And working hard

Each day

To make them feel

New

And wanted.

But that’s too much hard work.

That’s too close to the truth.

The truth

That love isn’t always 

Pulsing love hearts

And smiling faces

Hand holding and

going places.

But standing next to someone

When they’re hard to love

When they push you away

With an even harder shove

But you let them say

All the hate and pain 

Because you know

They need to let it out.

Love is meant to be felt

Even when it’s hard

Or inconvenient

Or 

And this is the hard part 

When you don’t feel like it.

We don’t love all the time.

But we try. 

Love is seeing someone 

For the raw truth of what they are

And having the courage 

To accept them.

It’s saying “yes”

When all you wanna say is “no”.

But you…

You’re just

Gonna

Keep swiping

And fucking

And crying 

Whilst throwing away 

The disposable

‘Instant lust’

That consumes you

But getting to keep 

The free download 

Of STDs.

Jagged edges

I like you better broken

Where I can see the scars

Of the storm 

That sits inside of you 

So I can hold the jagged 

Edges 

Of all that you are

Gently with my 

Finger tips. 

I like you better broken

So I can see 

The solar system in your brown eyes

That trace your history

With brutal honesty 

And pain 

So I can stare into them

To show you 

That I am by your side. 

I like you better broken 

Like the scar on your foot

From that accident

You had

Way before you met me

So I can be reminded that 

We both had lives

Long before we 

Knew each other. 

I like you better broken

As it is the truth

And I want nothing more

Than the man 

That stands before me

In all that he is

And all that he will be

So I can show you

That I’m not running

No matter how hard 

Things get.

Untitled

She stared out the window,

and wondered whether life

had ever been this ordinary,

her creativity seemed to have drained from her fingers,

like sand from

the Gobi desert.

 

Life was lost.

Or she was.

But the latter doesn’t sound as poetic.

 

Her home was filled with pretty things,

old smelling books

and small house plants,

But it was now

she realised that she’d made it that way

to cover up what was missing.

 

She liked her home,

she just needed to be as full as it was.

Clouds formed in the afternoon sky,

as she stared,

longingly,

for inspiration.

 

Then the rain came.

 

 

She had spent years in an attic bedroom,

when she was growing up,

slowly the sound of the rain became

her favourite thing to listen to,

like her ears became attuned

to a symphony of drops,

so that each surface was its own instrument;

a puddle would contain a melody

a song would be written on the rooftops.

 

And just like that, the rain became

an art form to her,

it changed the landscape

and the sound of the earth,

it washed away lifetimes,

like each individual drop could tell her

that even though she fucked up

that summer’s evening in 1998

it had been washed into a river

and eventually a sea.

 

It rained the night

he drove to meet her for the

first time,

but it cleared before he met her at the gate,

leaving only a golden glisten

on the roads leading to her door.

 

She had found what she was missing

and he treated her like

no-one ever had.

Like the sky was his to give

and it was hers to own.

 

Months later

she looked over at him,

he wasn’t doing a thing that she could see,

except leaning on the kitchen table,

holding her universe

in his chest.

 

Puddles

The clouds

melted with the rain today

and I lost

my dreams

in a puddle.

 

But I did nothing.

 

I just watched

with no urge to get them

back

and instead

I just took off

my shoes

and stamped my feet

in the mud

along with the masses.

 

Then out

from the blurred

figures of humanity

you walked

slowly

towards my rain streaked

face

and the stars

and the moon

followed you with their cloak

of night

and you took my hand

held it tightly

and we jumped

into the puddle

that shone with light of the moon

and we became part

of a constellation.

 

We swam

through rain water

and stars

till you found

all the things that make me…

me

and all the dreams

that were washed away

and forced me

to take them

back

placing them in my hands

and reminding me

of who I was.

 

 

 

me, you & the barstool

the smoke curled

and twisted with frantic urgency

that came from the wind

or maybe the fan

as we sat side by side in the dark

passing a cigarette between us

and watching the city burn.

we sat on a barstool forever

side by side

as politicians ran from the flames

clutching corruption

and policies

that were scorched

round the edges

leaving embers to float in front

of our eyes.

we look at each other

and you mutter

that as long as there are humans

the world cannot change

that the corrupt will remain corrupt

and the innocent will remain innocent

(but only at the sidelines)

so they try to grab the corners

of their own dreams

but they just thrash like a

paper bag caught in the

neighbours tree.

the ice in our drinks

cracks

reminding us that there is

always gin

so we moisten our lips

and let it drain down

our throats

as the reflection of the flames

lights up in our eyes

so i kiss you

because it’s all i want to do

and you hold my head

towards the destruction

and force me to watch

but your hand strokes

my neck

reminding me we have love

even when we’re lost.

Lover’s dusk

The rise and fall

Of the curve of your back

Fades with the light of dusk

And all I’m left with

Is the sound of your breathing

And the smile I only get

When I’m near you.

You wake

And the sleep that held you

Falls to the floor

With a simple stretch

And your tired eyes

Find mine

And we hold a gaze for a

Moment

Before we turn

into the night.

Through my eyes

There’s a sadness in you
that you can’t even see
it haunts your eyes
and your heart
with a longing of recognition
and I see the loss
you have suffered
and the pain you pretend
isn’t there
whilst you build up more
walls around you
and get angry when I can’t break through.

There’s a journey in you
that is yet to be taken
and you sit like a bird in a cage
with the potential of flight
but your wings gather dust
as you try and hide
your building frustration
but look longingly at a horizon
that you are yet to cross
and spit words at me
about how it
could be better.

There’s a kindness in you
that has already been stolen
years of shadows
taking advantage of your good will
leaves a wariness for new
people
and what their intentions might be
so you feel that no one
is truly grateful
for the care that you give
and don’t stop to think
that some might be different.

There’s a love in you
that is so deep
it can move the tides of
the ocean
yet you act like your heart
does not beat
and that one person
can’t keep you forever
so you test and push
till you convince
yourself that all humans are
the same
yet love always wins
and the passion you try
so hard to hide
breaks free
and those near you
feel it so deeply
that they don’t want to let you
go.

There’s a light in you
that is about to break out
and when it does
the world will breathe deeply
and the shadows will
have nowhere to hide
and you will be
exactly what you want to be.